Showing posts with label self-improvement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-improvement. Show all posts
16 February 2012
Today was such an uplifting day. It was a good day.
I definitely needed the refreshment.
The dullest days always transform into best ones when you least expect it. When old and dear friends grace your life, for even the briefest moment, your breath just stops. You exhale after the encounter. You find the ability to let go of the negativity swirling in your mind. You let go of the weights which have kept you down. You refuse to let them taunt you anymore. You discover the strength you have been desperately seeking to simply be you again.
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| heartfelt talks and special peanut candies! |
It has been a long time since I have been able to look beyond the darkness surrounding me. My moods have been terrible over the past few weeks.
I attribute the recent change to my dearest friends. I really do not have many anymore.
Minhchau calls these people her inner circle. I cannot think of another way to term to describe them.
You meet different people throughout life. They fit into different categories: casual acquaintances, coworkers, classmates, housemates, annoying drunk people, etc. There are the ones you spend time with because you adore them, but they cannot understand you. You know this and you keep yourself separated from them. You stay distanced. Then, there are the ones who see your heart. They peer into your soul. They completely connect to your thoughts and inner-most feelings. They completely understand your sentiments. They leave you with a profound feeling of awe for how much someone can just get it.
Christina has been trying to save me from of my depression. I love her to bits for always being there. She gives me constant love and support. I know I can be scary sometimes. But she accepts me for my flaws. She encourages me to work on myself: morally, spiritually, and socially. I am trying.
I miss being excited about the endless possibilities of life.
With Minhchau, we talked about our families, our heritage, our goals, and our relationships. We talked about where we came from. We focused on our parents: their past, their current lives, their happiness, their endless expectations. Their unconditional love. We talked about what we have accomplished and where we want to be in life. We acknowledged our inspiration. We reminded ourselves of why we work so hard. We reflected on our personal growth. How much we have matured. We pondered over the challenges to come. They are unknown. They are scary. We tried to imagined the future, but couldn't.
Every time we meet for a chat, she gives me a renewed sense of life. I love it.
Some relationships are just that beautiful. I am utterly grateful to have these two women in my life. I cannot thank them enough for their endless love.
14 February 2012
No matter how many times I tell myself to start writing again, I always seem to fail.
The failure is more consistent than my promises to write.
The point of daily goals is to strive towards some point of redemption. At least, that's how it is for me. I need to be able to keep up with these personal promises to feel accomplished. I need to stop disappointing myself.
Writing: this was something I used to love to do. I shrugged it off when I was told how it gets harder to write when you're older. I always imagined that age brought wisdom and experiences write about. I was wrong. I have found difficulties in fully expressing my feelings. In the process of growing up and maturing, I grew accustomed to shoveling my feelings beneath the guise of inexplicable emotions. I piled them in lonesome stacks. Labeling the feelings as indescribable made them easier to ignore. I moved past them. I forgot them.
But I want to remember them again.
I want to remember how to express emotions to myself. I want to be able to express how I feel to those around me. Really, how did I get to this point? I find myself incapable of expressing gratitude, thanks, and adoration to loved ones. I'm muted, as though there's invisible tape on my lips.
This needs to change.
A month-or-so post-college, and I'm still trying to find myself. Why did things look easier when I was little? Why can't I accomplish simple things anymore?
Here's one solution: I need to control my Watcher. I will number my posts and write. Write, write, write away. Write like no one is watching. Write like no one is holding a red pen, ready to stab away at my words. Write until I overcome the despairing, self-imposed restrictions of expression.
I got this.
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