rêves d'une âme perdue: inclined confusion

I have been trying to remind myself that each day is another chance towards progress and improvement. There is a lot of difficulty in constantly repeating this mantra, but it is necessary.

Summer farewells have been said. I have a week until classes begin. While the rest of my peers have found jobs, I find myself attempting to conquer more books and assignments. I hope it will all be worth it.

My response: "*But when I attempt to write, everything collapses into absolute nothingness. And I am left with silent words on an empty canvas. "

My battle with words continue as I lose the will to endure riddles found between letters, words, and phrases. They are too perplexing. Without much difficulty, I always find a white flag of surrender by my side. The challenge disappears. Defeated. I silently put away my laptop, shift on my bed, and turn to face the wall. Echoes of soon-to-be-forgotten words stir in the mind. The sounds fade as sleep overtakes me.

But no more.

I am here to conquer you. I shall write. I will write. I must continue to write.

I write to prove that I am able to complete small tasks. I can endure mental challenges. No more mind tricks or distractions. The quest towards self-improvement continues.

No more blue skies or warm weather.

Sacramento is too depressing. Gloomy clouds and overcast skies. Back into this mundane life at home.

I despise it.

Written 3/30

The plane will soon land in Grenada and I will be reunited with the boyfriend. I am excited, I am scared, and I am anxious. As with any new endeavor, the unknowns of this island make me nervous. There is so much I be explored in this new land. I hope it will be as wonderful as it should be :D

I found little sleep the previous night. I was brain dead while studying for an exam. No naps in-between. I slept for a few hours at Andy's house before heading to the airport. On the plane, I have been drifting in and out of consciousness. Even with a lack of rest, I am so ready for this adventure!!! :]]

I hope the people at customs are nice ;[ waaahh. Back to reading now :]

There's so much to say about my trip. I loved the island and it was so much fun. I'm happy I got to spend time with the bf, and it felt like we had never left each other. We had adventures and we explored the island. We also got to bum around like how we usually would at home. It is nice to know we are still able to do those things together, even if our laziness prevents us from going out on some nights! (we often knocked out from food coma and woke up around 3am.. Or one of us would wake and the other would refuse to wake up... Usually me :D)

Reflection post later. I'm just happy and sad right now. Boarded the plane to get from Miami to LAX. Then it's LAX to SFO! I want coffee!!!!!

Turning off the Watcher again. I will begin to churn out thoughtful/thought-provoking posts again, once I figure myself out.