28 December 2010
It's as rare as finding your lucky penny on the street. You know, the lucky penny that's face up and has your birth year on it? The one that shimmers to you beneath the dust and stands out among the grass, foliage, and gravel, beckoning to you to pick it up.
(I *think* that's how the story goes. Excuse the errors if there are any. I can't remember if it's face up or face down. The latter would bring you bad luck, so you avoid those. HRM. Darnit. Childhood story books from reading time in class. Gahh, my darned memory!!)
My point is that this is rare, but it sometimes happens! (like the little boy in the storyy!! xD AHAHAHA damn him -__-)
Dad and I had a long conversation/bonding time on the car ride home from Stockton last night. We used to spend our weekends at Barnes and Nobles together, but as I got older, the trips became less frequent. It was nice to have the chat. Reminiscent of a pep talk, though it followed the guidelines of "this is going to be inspirational but will also make you think. I am your father and I think this is best for you" etc. !!
And he made me cry... tear up, oh gawd, I hope he didn't notice. Strong girls don't cry like wussies!! T__T or tear up. THEY ARE IMMUNE TO EMOTION! RAAAAWR!! O__O
"You need to work hard on school. Always work hard because it's for your future..."
(yes, that's typical parent talk)
"stop working and we will give you money..."
(NO, dad. I don't want to make you and mom pay for me, or spend excess money, especially since I'm prone to spending it on useless crap. You shouldn't be paying for that, and you've done so much for me already. Please use it on yourself..)
"You need to remember that you shouldn't overexert yourself. You're not like other kids. You're not as strong as they are (referring to my health problems as a child). You can't push all of your strength and use it working and running around. You need to save that energy and use it for your studies, because if you spread yourself too thin, you won't be able to accomplish anything. You can get sick, too. Consider your health and your limitations"
(Yes, dad. I know :/ Depressing reminder of how I used to be sick and whatnot. I usually forget that part of my childhood. Crap, and I am guilty of always trying to do too much at once ...when I'm not being lazy. YOU DO THAT, TOO!! ANNND MOM :[[)
"Your mom and I can take care of you. We work to raise you and we've sacrificed a lot to make sure that you will grow up to be a good, educated person. Educated in academics and educated in life, to be a good person who understands the hardships people must endure and who will do something to help them."
(enter.. the tears)
"That's all I want for you. You need to learn how to take care of yourself because you don't have brothers and sisters like everyone else. It would be different if you had a gang of siblings to take care of you, but when your mom and I are gone, you're going to have to rely on yourself. It's only going to be you. You need to learn how to be strong. You need to know how to be on your own, to become strong... to be independent."
(oh fuck, the teaaars. THE TEAAARS!! I'm getting teary writing this :[[ It's so hard when dad says stuff about them getting old and such things :/ and it's something I've always known, too. I need to look after myself. This is why I strive to be independent. I've learned this lesson early on :/ you taught me this when I was little. No one will ever be around forever. People come and go without notice. It's just how things work. And people always get sick and die, especially when you least expect it. Always safer to rely on yourself and trust your own abilities, cause you will be so disappointed if you rely on others. I know..)
"Don't worry about your finances. We will take care of you. Chu Toan has been wanting to take care of you, too. He wants you to do well and succeed. That's why he tells you not to work and why he always asks you how you're doing. He sees you as his daughter, too. He's always been with us. He lived with us before you were born. He held you as a baby, took care of you, and helped raise you. He and his wife don't have children, and so she sees you as her daughter, too. Every time you turn down his help, it makes him sad cause you're pushing him away"
(but.. but.. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE HIM SAD OR UNHAPPY!! I don't accept the help because I need to be able to do this on my own. He works for his money.. He has his own life. I can't just take his money.)
"He's just helping invest in your future. You can take care of him when you're older. Talk to him and let him talk about the past when he's older, like how you talk to Grandpa. Just let us help you and you can repay us in the future by becoming successful and independent, by becoming a good person, and making us proud. Then I can die in peace knowing you have achieved what I hope for you."
(WAAAAAAAAAAH MORE DEATH TALK ;__; TEAR TEARS TEARS *hopes dad doesn't see them as he drives, since he's usually oblivious anyyways*)
"And always remember to help others when you have the ability to. Don't forget the people who helped get you to where you are later, and remember to help someone else reach their potential, too. It's all a series of events, a never-ending process. Yes, someone has helped you in the past. You don't need to help them back to repay them. They don't need that. Be grateful, accept it, work to be successful, and remember to help others, like how you were helped. Then the person you helped will help someone else!"
(*insert hopeful and uplifting talk where dad tells me how he got scholarships for school and how he's trying to help me and our relatives now* uplifting, but OMG I'M STILL SAD!! PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ONE DAY :[[[[)
long talk. that's the gist of it.
sad sad sad
but Anna, read this when you need a reminder to work hard.
Seriously. OMGG TOO DEPRESSING
*tries to forget*
but Anna, read this when you need a reminder to work hard.
Seriously. OMGG TOO DEPRESSING
*tries to forget*
Labels: for teh familyyy, motivation, reflection, remember this, talks with dad
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