rêves d'une âme perdue: inclined confusion

Run.

For the past few days, I have been spending my afternoons and evenings jogging through the neighborhood. I pass by areas I've known since my earliest childhood days: the paths I explored with elementary school friends, the roads my parents drove to take me to school every day (the same one mother and I biked through every summer), and the familiar walkways to the river, containing the pretty pebbles I sorted through while my grandparents watched, amused. (They helped me wash the pebbles to form a collection. Grandpa always pointed out the small details in nature, especially trees, then translated them into sketches when we got home. Nostalgia.)

So much time has passed since those days. 

So many things have changed in the immediate area. So many things have changed with those around me. So many things have changed with me. 

We will be leaving soon. I have waited for this day for a long time -- waiting to move on to a new chapter with my parents. It's scary. 

I have been lucky with the stability they have provided me over the years. They allowed me to savor details from my childhood. They indulged me in an ever-present reminder that the past is contained in the present. The past trails behind the future, no matter how much time has gone by. It never truly disappears.

The distance I run increases in small increments. Progress has been slow. But everything about the jogs have been to exercise my mentality, endurance, and patience. While going through these jogs, I am immersed with memories of my childhood. I keep running on the sidewalk as the memories trail behind me. I look ahead, and they are still there -- a blur, waiting to be recalled. And even if they are seemingly forgotten, they remain floating, untouched, and unnerved by time.

I run for fitness. I run to increase endurance. I run to strengthen mentality. May the past bring inspiration for the process to continue. May our future be filled with pleasant memories to accompany our past.

I am realizing that I run to remember how to be me again. 

The quest for inner-peace continues.